To work or not to work?

Posted on November 14, 2011 by thesmartexpat


Photo: istockphoto.com

My own career took me from London to New York on my first expat assignment in 1989. Fast forward nine years and my soon-to-be husband and I managed (after a 15 month separation and a with the help of a sympathetic boss) to move to Hong Kong and keep both of our careers moving in the right direction. However, a baby, a new boss and one more move made it difficult for me to maintain my career. Since then, we’ve made three additional moves and had another child and my career in investment banking is a distant memory. Despite having no visa restrictions in two out of those three countries, I chose not to seek paid employment.   Though I have no desire to return to my investment banking, I have often missed the fulfilment and sense of identity that come with having a career. Why make the choice not to work? Uncertainty over how long my husband’s assignment might last, the complexity of our household logistics given my husband’s travel schedule, childcare resources which would not fill in all the gaps, lack of contacts in the countries I’ve lived in and the time required with each move to set up a household and get our children settled into school are just some of the reasons that, until I started my own business two years ago, my career remained on ice.

What decision did you make about working/maintaining your career when you moved overseas?

What factors drove your decision to work or not?

How has the decision impacted your satisfaction with your life?

These are all questions that Louise Wiles, founder of Success Abroad Coaching and I are asking in our new survey “Career Choice and the Accompanying Partner”. By asking these questions we are attempting to shed light on the issues that influence the choice to work or not and to better understand the implications of that choice on an accompanying partner’s well-being. We hope that our findings will help families to make more informed decisions about expatriate assignments and that they will further the dialogue on how accompanying partners are supported in a relocation.

If you’re an accompanying partner currently on assignment and would like to share your experience, please click here to complete the survey. It shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes to complete. If you can spare another minute or two of your time, we’d appreciate if you’d forward it on to all of your expat friends. As a thank you from us, every participant will have the opportunity to be entered into a prize draw.

Watch this space for news of our findings.

Filed under: Accompanying Partners, Career, Fulfillment, The Expat Experience | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Comfort Zone – Part II

Posted on October 12, 2011 by thesmartexpat

In March, I wrote about moving overseas and what makes those of us who do so step so far out of our comfort zones. As many of you who have moved overseas this summer have probably discovered, the decision to move to a new country is just the first of many times in your expat life that you step outside your comfort zone.  At the moment you may be feeling that every time you step outside your door you’re stepping outside your comfort zone.  Simple things you take for granted in your home country may be feeling overwhelming.  Language can make a simple trip to the grocery store or a phone call seem challenging.  Cultural differences mean that everyday tasks are done differently and you don’t know where to begin.  You may be uncomfortable making small talk with new people but none of your friends and family are around.  By now, the initial excitement of living in a new country is probably wearing off leaving behind the reality of living your life in a country where nothing is familiar.  This is the time when many new expats (I include myself in this group) find themselves in tears in the middle of a metro station because some minor mistake or mishap is the last in a long list of tasks that haven’t gone quite the way they expected.

So how do you motivate yourself to keep moving forward with all the things you need to get done, when pretty much everything you feels difficult?

1. Team up with someone else who’s new.  You may not offer each other much in the way of help but you’ll be experiencing the similar things at similar times.  You’ll be able to cry on each others shoulders and maybe one day soon (I know it can be hard to imagine), laugh about your mistakes.

2. Don’t be shy about asking people who have lived in your community for a while for help to get things done.  You don’t have to learn everything the hard way – every expat has been where you are now and most are happy to pass on their knowledge and experience.

3. Give yourself goals for accomplishing the tasks which are outside your comfort zone.  Continually putting yourself in the situation of feeling helpless because you’re struggling to accomplish tasks that you could do with your eyes shut in your home country can be soul destroying.  Give yourself a goal to accomplish each day based on how ready you feel to take on the challenges.

4. Acknowledge your achievements.  It can be easy to look back and minimize what you have done because you’re measuring it against the benchmark of how easy it would be in your home country.  Recognise the challenges that make the task more difficult in your new country and celebrate overcoming them.

5. Enlist the support of your partner and help him or her to understand the challenges of the things you are doing so that he/she acknowledges the achievement too.  The last thing you want to see after telling your war story of how you negotiated the local systems to pick up your residence permit at the town office is that look that says “So what’s the big deal about that”

Be kind to yourself and, over time, you’ll find that all the things you found difficult at first become as familiar and simple as they were in your home country.

Don’t get too comfy though.  Once you’ve got the basics ticking along, part of the richness of living in another country and culture is to keep experiencing it on new levels and to do that you might find yourself once again stepping outside your comfort zone.

Filed under: Accompanying Partners, Expat Culture, Philanthropy, Settling In, The Expat Experience | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

FREE Expat Summer Seminar Series

Posted on June 13, 2010 by thesmartexpat

I’m excited to tell you about a new project on which I’ve been collaborating with expat career coach, Jennifer Bradley.  Starting on July 15th, she and I will be hosting a series of four teleseminars for expats and accompnaying spouses.  Each seminar will cover an aspect of the experience of adjusting to a new life in a new country.  In the first seminar “Finding your Moving Mojo”, we’ll share our thoughts on how to devise a strategy for your move that gets you off to the right start; how to keep a positive mindset at an extremely stressful time and how you balance the demands of settling in with creation of a new life for yourself.   As well as our skills as coaches, Jennifer and I bring our collective experiences from multiple international moves and years (we won’t say how many!) living as expatriates. The flyer below has information about all four seminars.  If you would like to register, click here or on the link in the flyer.

Filed under: Accompanying Partners, Career, Organising your Move, Settling In | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Volcanic Ash

Posted on April 27, 2010 by thesmartexpat

Stranded in Scotland for an extra day as a result  of the volcanic ash being spewed into European airspace by Eyjafjallajoekull (whose pronounciation may never be mastered outside of Iceland), we were unable to pick our daughter up at the end of her first week-long school trip.  Although she handled the situation well, she was clearly disappointed and my husband and I felt dreadful that we weren’t  able to be there.  However, our inconvenience was minor in comparison to others and as I listened to tales of families being split up for several days,  weddings, birthdays and funerals missed, people unable to get back to support loved ones through medical and emotional crises, I started to think of all the things that most of us modern expats take from granted that were not available to our predecessors and some of which are still not available to some of our current day compatriots in more far-flung and exotic locations.

Telephone and the Internet – Most expats today have access to telephone and the internet. It may take a few weeks in a new host country to get everything connected but for most of us it’s available sooner or later.  We phone our families and friends regularly and they call us, often at minimal expense.  We use e-mail, and social networking sites; we have news and information about our home countries and the ability to order gifts and cards online among other things.  They have made keeping in touch with friends and family easy.  We can post photos on Facebook and we can tweet about our experiences on Twitter making our lives more real and less remote to the people we love.

Air Travel - Hopping on and off planes is a way of life for today’s expats but until relatively recent was not an option for expat travel.  Antipodeans still accumulate long service leave – an extended leave from work which is accumulated over a period of years with an employer.  The original purpose of long service leave was to give European immigrants to Australia and NZ  the time to get to and from Europe by ship and have a meaningful amount of time with their families in Europe.  No transatlantic long weekends to attend weddings in those days!  Accessible air travel lessens the emotional burden of being away from children who are grown, in university or in boarding school and it means we might be there for important events or to provide support when its needed.

International Schools – The increasing availability of international schools in popular expat locations has meant that fewer expats have to make the difficult choice to send our children (particularly older children) to boarding school.  Many more (though by no means all) of us can choose to have our children with us until they complete their high school education.   Sending younger children to local schools is often now an active choice made by parents who want to promote their children’s linguistic abilities  rather than the default because there are no other options.  (All of this is said with the large caveat that, given the breathtaking fees of many international schools, expats whose school fees are not paid by their sponsoring organisations may not have those choices)

Proliferation of English – More and more people around the world are learning English as a second language.  For English speaking expats, the challenge of getting things done when you haven’t come to grips with the language is diminished; non-English speaking expats who speak English as a second language may find that although they don’t speak the host language, English is a way to communicate.  When I moved to Shanghai in 2004, learning Mandarin was a necessity to be able to get things done.  By the time I left in 2007, so many local people spoke English that it was possible to function with barely a word of Mandarin.

Of course all of these developments that make our expat lives easier are double edged swords.  Some of us fail to engage fully in our new lives because  we are too absorbed in keeping up with our old lives by phone or online or because we’re heading home at the drop of a hat because we can get cheap flights.  We and our children miss out on the richness of our culture in which we are living because we don’t become immersed or decide that we don’t need to learn the language.  (We can “get by” with English.)

I’m sure that expat life 100 years ago was a richer and more challenging experience but I’m glad that, in today’s environment, I can live in another country with my children and maintain my ties to family and friends.  So, next time I’m feeling sorry for myself because it’s hard to get something done in my host country, I’ll be thinking of the unpronounceable volcano and reminding myself that, compared with expats in years past, I have it easy!

Got something to add to the list? Post your thoughts in the comments or on my Facebook page.

Filed under: The Expat Experience | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Frustration, Tears and Achievement

Posted on February 3, 2010 by thesmartexpat

This week I’ve been dealing with importing my husband’s car into Belgium. The experience has included both victory (getting the importation documents issued quickly) and defeat (being stopped by the Belgian police because the German dealer plates on the car are only legal in for driving in Germany). It reminded me that being in a new country can turn straightforward tasks into monumental challenges. These experiences are frustrating and bring all of the stressors of being an expat to the forefront; inability to speak a language, lack of familiarity with the way things are done in a new country, frustration with people who don’t seem to be able to or don’t want to help. Like most expats, I am familiar with the horrible feeling of being reduced to tears by a setback which, though minor, is the latest in a long line of minor setbacks and is the one which has thrown me over the edge.

The flip side of the frustration though, is that completing these tasks gives me a sense of achievement that I would not derive from accomplishing the same thing at home. I’ve also learned from my tears and moments of feeling utterly defeated to give myself a break.

1. I set my expectations differently knowing that it will take longer to do something in my new country.
2. I acknowledge that the task at hand is not going to be as easy as it would be at home.
3. When something is not going my way, I stay in the moment and try to avoid the panicked fast-forward in my brain that turns a setback into an earth-shattering calamity and causes me to react emotionally.
4. I try to celebrate the small victories throughout the process rather than focusing on my perceived failures in accomplishing the goal.

This helps me to stay calm and patient and work through the task . A surprising bonus is that by keeping my frustration at bay, the people I’m dealing with are more patient and inclined to do more to help me.

The vehicle importation process has encountered several setbacks and it’s not over yet but I have stayed calm and been helped out by a number of people, including a total stranger and I’m confident that I will get it done. Though, It’s lucky the police didn’t impound the car, because then I would have cried!

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

6 Tips for Working with Host Country Relocation Agents

Posted on January 25, 2010 by thesmartexpat

Many expats on the move will have access to a host country relocation agent who is retained to help with things like house-hunting, school visits and immigration formalities among other things.  These are some of the most stressful aspects of moving and as a result the relationship between expat and relocation agent is often fraught with tension and difficulty.  Here’s my list of 6 things I do to ensure that I get the best from my relocation agent.

1.  I clarify with HR what services the relocation firm is contracted to provide. I’ve found that most relocation agents assume that I know what they are paid to help with and that if I don’t ask them to do something, it’s because I don’t need that service.  I’ve also found that expats (myself included) are often not told what services their relocation agent is contracted to provide unless we specifically ask and often miss out on valuable post-move support as a result.

2. Find out how my relocation firm gets paid. In some countries relocation firms are paid by  real estate agencies or have alliances with particular agencies.   It’s not hard to imagine how that will affect their behaviour.  I learned this lesson the hard way when I was househunting in Shanghai and noticed that our relocation agent was reluctant to take us to certain housing compounds.  We discovered later that the relocation agent would be paid by the compound we moved into and not  by my husband’s company (standard practice in Shanghai at the time).  I may not be able to change how my relocation agent is paid but at least I understand what is motivating him or her and can work around it.

3. Before my house-hunting trip I find out what else I can take care of while I am visiting my new country. Can I take care of  immigration formalities?  Is it possible to open a bank account when I am there?  And I make sure I ask my relocation agent well in advance so that appointments can be made if necessary.  My rule of thumb – if I can do something on my house-hunting trip which will help me to hit the ground running when I move, then I’ll  do it.

4. I find out if there are any key dates I need to know about. Are there deadlines for school applications or for submission of immigration forms?  I also make sure that I understand the sequence of events so that I can plan properly.  On one move, I discovered that neither  sea shipment nor air shipment could be cleared until we received our visas a month later.  I assumed that the air shipment would arrive straight away and had packed suitcases and luggage accordingly, leaving us without some of the things which would have made that first month much easier.

5. I research housing and schools before I go house-hunting. I use the internet and the advice of friends  to educate myself on schools, residential areas, rents and amenities, just as I would if I was moving in my home country.  As a result, I have a better idea of what I can expect and what I want and can offer my relocation agent more helpful and detailed input on what’s important for my family and can use my househunting time more efficiently.

6.  Communicate clearly and review each step. Often my native language is a second language for my relocation agent, and communication between us will be taking place by phone or e-mail leaving lots of room for miscommunication or misunderstanding.   At each juncture, I review action steps and make sure I understand who is responsible and by when.

As you can probably tell, I’ve developed  most of these tips from experience.  What have your experiences taught you about working with relocation agents?  Please share your stories and your own tips.


Filed under: Organising your Move | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 101 other followers