thesmartexpat
After a break from blogging over the summer, during which I had the immense pleasure of presenting the Expat Summer Seminar Series with the wonderful Career Options Coach Jennifer Bradley, I’m back! As well as the summer seminar series (more about it in later posts), I’ve had a typically expat summer of visitors, travel to see friends and family, vacation and most of all, lots of packing and unpacking.
Now I’m back in Belgium and have been helping a friend who has just arrived to get settled in. As she is going about establishing her household and routine, she has asked me a host of questions from the important “Can you recommend a good doctor?” to the mundane “Where can I buy dishwasher salt?” My friend is new to expat life and used to knowing how to get things done in her home country. She feels bad for asking so many questions and apologises frequently for it.
As a coach and as an expat, I often encounter people reluctant to ask for help because they feel that they should be able to know everything/do everything themselves (I should confess that this is also a personal tendency that I work to overcome) and that they are somehow inadequate if they can’t work it out for themselves. However, if you’ve just moved to a new life in a new home in a new country, your “to do list” probably has a word count comparable to that of “War and Peace”. You probably could work everything out yourself but it would take a long time and you’d make a lot of mistakes. Asking questions is not a sign of inadequacy, its an efficient way of getting through your to do list so that you can get on with the business of living your life.
Moveover you shouldn’t feel that you are wasting the time of the people of whom you are asking the questions. Every expat was once a new expat and we have all benefited from the experience of someone who has been there for a while and who is happy to share their wisdom. Personally, and I suspect many other expats share my sentiment, I have never really felt that I am able to return those favours. Yes, I’ve invited people who have helped me to lunch or dinner, but I know that my expression of thanks has nowhere near the impact that the help I’ve received has had on my new life. So I, like many expats and I’m sure my friend in her turn, pay it forward and help out new people where I can. And after six international moves, I’ve still got a lot of paying forward to do.
Filed under: Coaching, Expat Culture, Life Coaching, Settling In, The Expat Experience
I wish I had had an expat friend when I first moved to Belgium! For me it was a lot of trial and (mostly) error and a lot of searching on-line. I love the fact that now I can be a source of help to new expats through my blog and in person. Your friend is lucky she has you!
How great that you take the time to help others find their way around. I guess not having the help yourself when you arrive probably gives you an even stronger sense of how good it is to have someone answer your questions. The expat universe owes you one!!
Oooh, expats helping other expats and paying it forward – two of my favourite concepts! I have benefitted so much from these over the years, both in terms of receiving help AND the personal satisfaction of providing help to others. Did you see this about an expat volunteer in Brussels http://retwt.me/1OGfs ?
Thanks for the comment and especially, thanks for the link. Checked it out and it looks like a great way to get involved. Lots of expats struggle to find a way to get involved in their local communities and its a loss for both the expat and the community.
Great points, and has had me reminissing of all the people that helped me in HK & Shanghai when I was there in 2002 – 2003. As I also work in Relocation as well as having been relocated, one of the main tips I give to first time movers is for them to get in with the expat community of where they are going to ASAP, as it will speed up the learning process and provide friendship and even business partnerships in some cases.
[...] Don’t be shy about asking people who have lived in your community for a while for help to get things done. You don’t have to learn everything the hard way – every expat has [...]